...somehow I still think I make a better tool than an actual "friend".

 

 

 

Oi, it's so cold. The autumn bite is here...weird. --;

The sorrow is there, I just don't want to take it.

The pain is there, I just don't want to swallow it.

The tears are there, I just don't want to shed them.

I can't do those things until...I can finally teach you to See.

 

My, you are really killing me. Even if I don't admit it. Even if I don't show it. Every word is like a fatal blow. All I ever wanted was for you to be able to live a happy life and forget the wretched past. Were all my sacrifices for nothing? For you, I have traveled back to the darkness and back again just to learn more so that I can teach you what I have learned without you having to go through the pain of attaining that knowledge. But, maybe that was the flaw in my perfect little plan. You lacked that pain. You didn't experience the pain of getting that knowledge and therefore, you are unable to understand it and use it. And so that was my flaw. Or is it? Perhaps, I have done this to teach you regret. Regret for becoming what you have become and saying what you have said. I do not know. Perhaps, you shall find out. Every single damn thing I've done was for your own good. I'm not trying to hurt you. I am trying to help you. Why do you twist everything into an attack on you? Even benign things, you end up twisting it and in turn attack me. I don't mind if you swear at me or say whatever to me. But, the thing is, other people will mind. Not everyone will tolerate your behavior. So, please, enough with your child-like behavior and ACT. Don't be a human becoming. Be a human being. I hope you will learn this someday. Even at my expense.

 

Damnit, it's come to a point where my heart physically hurts. And damn it really hurts.